There is an irony in these days of isolation and empty store shelves that leave multiple questions in one’s mind. My friend Mitch Teemley has provided a list of questions for us to ponder as we wander about in our sanctuaries of solitude. I pass these along for your personal musings … and perhaps a smile or two.

How did evolution begin?

Science:

• If you melted dry ice in a pool, could you swim in it without getting wet?
• What happens if you turn on your headlights while driving at the speed of light?
• Would the ocean be deeper if sponges didn’t grow in it?
• If there’s a speed of sound and a speed of light, is there a speed of smell?
• Do sheep get static cling when they rub against one another?
• If a bee was allergic to pollen would it get the hives?
• Can a pig pull a ham string?
• If you put a chameleon in front of a mirror, what color does it turn?
• If someone gets addicted to counseling, how do you treat them?

Arts and Literature:

• If Cinderella’s glass slipper fit perfectly, why did it fall off?
• Was Captain Hook called Captain Hand before he got the hook?
• Why is he called the ‘Lone’ Ranger when Tonto is always with him?
• Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra?
• Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard (or any body hair, for that matter)?
• At the ballet, you see girls dancing on their tiptoes. Why don’t they just get taller girls? (Greg Ray)

Language and Culture:

• Do Dutch people always split the bill?
• If a parsley farmer loses a lawsuit, do they garnish his wages?
• Are mattresses ever not on sale?
• Why don’t women put pictures of their missing husbands on beer cans?
• What do Greeks say when they don’t understand? (“It’s all _________ to me.”)
• Whose cruel idea was it to put an ‘s’ in the word “lisp”?
• If “there’s an exception to every rule,” is there an exception to that rule?
• Can an ambidextrous person make an offhanded remark?
• Why do ‘fat chance’ and ‘slim chance’ mean the same thing?
• “When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, does that make you a vacuum cleaner?”
• If a mime is arrested, do they tell him he has a right to talk?
• Why do people sink so slowly in quicksand?
• If money doesn’t grow on trees, why do banks have branches?
• Can a short person “talk down” to a taller person?
• What’s the synonym for “thesaurus”?
• Are female teamsters “teamstresses”?
• Are male seamstresses “seamsters”?
• If you steal a clean slate, does that go on your record?
• If pro and con are opposites, does that make Congress the opposite of progress?

And finally, the biggest question of all:

• If God sneezes, what do you say to Him?

Have an amazing day!!!